Anya's Birthday 2011 - Russian Birthday Traditions.

Well, it happens every year whether we want it to or not - birthdays. It's even true in Russia. I know you have all heard me say that everything is different in Russia and birthdays are no different (wait, that's a conundrum). The point is, even birthday traditions follow a different set of rules than the customs I am used to in America.

Yes, there is the normal family celebrations but when going out with friends, here's the deal: the person whose birthday it is, invites their friends out to dinner or dancing, or whatever. Then the person whose birthday it is pays for everybody who comes. So to be invited is really an honor. That person wants to spend their birthday with you so much that they are even willing to pay for your meal or whatever you do that evening. It's pretty flattering.

Now here's the rub: gift-giving is also customary in Russia just like back home. Generally gifts given on a birthday sort-of compensate the birthday person for their expense of the night. So make it good.

Last year, on Anya's birthday, it was my first experience being invited to a Russian birthday, so I had absolutely no idea about all of this. It's always been my custom that when going out with somebody on their birthday, they are not allowed to pay for anything. Usually the group that goes with the birthday person contributes extra money to the bill to pay for the birthday person's meal and festivities together. That's in addition to small gifts.

Last year for Anya's birthday, I made a traditional 2-layer yellow cake with chocolate-ganache filling and chocolate cream cheese frosting. I brought it to the restaurant with us expecting to do the traditional candles, singing happy birthday, and diving into that thing as a group. My girlfriend, Veronika, and I also brought some really great flowers, champagne and Veronika did a portrait for Anya on her birthday. In addition to this, I was expecting to pay for Veronika and my meals plus a good portion of Anya's expenses that night. I was shocked and a little embarrassed when the group would not let me pay for anything at all at the restaurant. I would not have ordered that extra flask of vodka if I knew it was on somebody else's bill. I certainly would have brought better gifts if I knew I wasn't allowed to also help pay for the birthday girl's night as part of her gift.

Anyway, it all worked out. Anya saved the cake and took it home. Later she said many compliments about it, so I was pleased that she enjoyed it.

This year, I must confess, I didn't remember Anya's birthday and since I had just gotten back to Russia a few days ago, I got a last-minute invitation. I was dealing with my visa registration problems when she called, so I had very little time to pick up gifts and certainly no time to cook something special for her. Our group of friends seem to really enjoy when I cook, especially something sweet, so unfortunately I was going to have to disappoint them this time.

Veronika and I did however do some shopping on our way home from the visa fiasco. We picked out a beautiful potted flower which I hope will bring enjoyment for a long time instead of the traditional cut flowers that die in a few days. I could never understand the tradition of giving cut flowers. It's like saying, "here, I bought something for you to watch die". Or maybe it's sending the message that yeah, here's a reminder that your birthday is a celebration of our mortality, so here's something you can watch decay for the next several days so you won't forget you are going to die too someday. I prefer giving potted flowers. If they die, the person killed it themselves. OK, maybe that's not a nice way to put it... what I meant to say is that I prefer giving potted plants because they will provide beauty and enjoyment for years to come. In addition to the potted flower, we also bought a bottle of Anya's favorite champagne and Veronika picked out a beautiful silver bracelet for Anya.

This year, we didn't go to a restaurant. Instead, we went to Grand Michelle. This place does have a restaurant, and a night club, but the cool place is in the bowling alley. I have noticed that bowling is a sport for the elite around here. It's not cheap, but more than that it's just something new and cool around here. Back in California, bowling alleys recall the images of middle-aged, nacho-eating, beer-stained-shirt wearing, receding hairline comb-over stylin', wanna-be hustlers trying to escape their number-crunching, cubicle-dwelling, boss-hating lives for a few hours. Besides, bowling is the only sport where you are supposed to be drinking. Well, here in Russia, it's new, it's fresh, and it's for the elite. And actually, it is pretty fun.

Anya invited us to go bowling for her birthday, and it sounded like a great night out. The bowling alley does serve zakuski (appetizers) along with a quite extensive menu and of course, alcohol, so it would be a good appetizer night of fun for us. The appetizers consisted of cut cheeses, fruits, and meats. There was feta cheese, and a couple local Russian cheeses on a plate with some grapes. It's been a long time since I had grapes with seeds in them, but these were the real thing. Do you ever think about small things like that? I've been eating seedless grapes for so long, it never even occurred to me to be careful not to chew the seeds in this grape.

The fruit plate had sliced bananas, grapes and sliced kiwis. The kiwi was great, very tasty. All the fruits looked fresh, a nice change from some of the fruit I've been seeing from the street vendors lately.

The meat plate was filled with various meats. The best I could guess, there was a cured pork like ham, a sausage similar to salami, a dried salami, and of course there was a plate of yazik (that means tongue). My friends finally talked me into trying a piece of tongue. It wasn't bad, but I didn't really like the texture. Although I try to keep an open mind about food and trying new things, I just couldn't get the image out of my mind that I was eating a cow's tongue. When Julia ate a piece, I told her that it was like she was kissing a cow. I understand many people in the world love tongue, I'm just going to have to find a way to cook it myself with more flavor and a change in texture before I try it again.

left to right: Veronika, Anya, Sasha, Zhenya, Julia

This night was also the first time I had seen my friends since I returned to Saratov. I arrived only a couple days ago, and we were all busy with our various daily tasks, so Anya's birthday was the first chance to see each other. It was great to see the gang again, and I am looking forward to our usual Friday night get-togethers.

We bowled and talked and laughed for a few hours and had a great night. We drank a few bottles of wine and of course ate some good zakuski.

The girls were doing really great at bowling, certainly better than me, but Sasha was knocking down strikes consistently. I guess they have all been practicing since the last time we played together.

The bowling alley had only 6 lanes, and each lane is rented by the hour. I remember in a different bowling alley we went to a couple years ago, we got cut off in the middle of a game, just as I was bowling a strike too. Here at Grand Michelle, that wasn't a problem. We played until our 'reservation' was finished and we didn't have any problems with them kicking us off the lanes.

It is a little funny to me though, they have a guy whose sole job is to make sure nobody walks onto the lanes with street shoes. I have my own bowling shoes from years ago when I did play in a league in Santa Barbara. They still fit, and I'll probably use them a lot more here in Russia than I will in California so I packed them in my luggage on one of my trips out here. The security guy was ready to wrestle me to the ground before letting me onto the lanes until he saw that my shoes were actually black bowling shoes. Not the fashionably-challenged, multi-colored footwear everybody else has to wear.

However, one problem with having your own shoes: people expect you to bowl like a professional, and I'm no professional bowler. In any case, I always have fun spending time with my friends, and if I get a strike or two in there while bowling, bonus.

I want to mention that Anya, Julia and Zhenya have all been friends since childhood. Sasha is Zhenya's husband and really a great man. I feel lucky that they have included Veronika and I in nights like these. It's really great to have good friends. Now, if I could just work out my visa problems, I wouldn't have to leave so often and I could settle into a normal lifestyle here. Oh, and when Zhenya heard about my difficulties registering my visa, she offered to help by going to her local registration office and trying to register me there. It's a really generous offer, and she has helped me out in similar situations so much in the past, I'm lucky to have good friends.

To update you on my visa difficulties, I got a call this morning from the regional registration office again saying "Come in tomorrow and maybe we can help you." So I called Zhenya immediately who was waiting in line at her local registration office, and asked her to not try to register me, just-in-case it would cause more confusion and problems. The phone call I received was from another big boss in the first office that we went to. And this call was after the yo-yo effect I had yesterday when the biggest boss said I should be registered for 30 days, but then called later and said only 2 weeks. Now what is this call, implying that they will register me for the 90 days my visa is valid for? I told Veronika that probably this lady just wants to meet us, to see what all the talk is about, curiosity, but we should go anyway because who knows what can happen.

Veronika and I went to the office and explained the whole situation. Many times the lady sounded like she was going to help, and even made a couple phone calls while we were sitting there. I feel sorry for the people waiting in line behind us, we took a long time inside. However, it became clear that this lady was angry that the people at the office who registered me for the 2 weeks. They didn't take money from me as punishment for breaking the rule (or maybe just because having an American nearby means you should take his money), and she told me that I should go back to that office. She didn't say it exactly like that, she tried to imply that if I go back to that office, maybe they could register me for 90 days, but she couldn't guarantee anything. In any case, she said that while I am there I should pay 3000 rubles since I broke the rule. This whole time I've been trying to ask them what rule I broke and show them that I didn't break any rule. They don't care, just want my money. I realized we were not going to get anywhere with this lady when she asked me if I was a terrorist... 3 times.

After I told her that I am only interested in the culture and local cuisine here in Russia, with possible plans of someday opening an American restaurant here locally, she actually laughed at me and asked what flavors I could bring, cheeseburgers? We already have McDonald's. I was simply amazed, and realized this meeting was going nowhere. Time to leave. The lady reminded us to go to the other office who might be able to help us which I interpreted as please go pay us 3000 rubles ($106).

We came home, and I went online and found my plane tickets. I will be returning to California on April 4th. I would like to stay in Russia until June like my visa says I can, but I guess the local registration officials are too afraid of the strange American terrorist who has been coming here the last 3 years. I told them I didn't come on a terrorist visa (or tourist), it's a normal business visa like I've used many times before. Anyway, everything happens for a reason, at least I'll be in California for my mother's 60th birthday party. Yup mom, I said it... on the internet... 60!! I wonder if we'll go bowling.

Red-Tape Russia Strikes Again.

I arrived safely in Saratov after waiting nearly 2 months for my visa to enter Russia. However, the visa is actually a 2 step process. Now that I am here, I am required to register my visa. This is not as easy as it sounds. It's not like simply going to the office and saying, "OK I'm here"

Last year when I was here in Saratov, I made an arrangement with a private school that was in the same building where I was living. They provided me with a 1-year educational invitation so I could apply for a 1-year student visa. This was great because the normal business visas I've been using changed a couple years ago. Now, on the 1-year business visa, you can only stay for 90 days, then you must leave the country for at least 90 days before you can re-enter for another 90 days. This creates obvious problems for renting a flat and living normally. This situation with the school was mutually beneficial. When they heard that I took classes at UCSB for TESOL teacher training (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages), they insisted that I teach an English class in their school.

Teaching English in that private school was interesting, and the students are really great but it certainly wasn't any kind of income. $6 an hour, 4 hours a day, 2 days a week - less than $50 a week isn't going to pay the bills, and it was not even worth my time, but the students really made the experience enjoyable, so I did it.

Anyway, last November when I reminded the school that my visa would need to be renewed in January, everything seemed fine. However, the director of the school dragged her feet, and it forced me to fly back to California to await a new visa. I booked a round-trip ticket and gave myself 3 weeks of processing time. I would leave January 28th and return February 18th. The director of the school decided until after I purchased my ticket that she would have the papers by February 24th, and my girlfriend would send the documents to me in California. Over a month to prepare the invitation, when last time it took less than a week. OK, no problem. But I had to do something about my return ticket. I calculated a generous 7 days to send the documents to me using Pony Express (similar to FedEx), 2 weeks to send my passport with the invitation to a handling company I have used several times in the past who takes them to the Russian Embassy for me, and another couple of days just to be safe. I rescheduled ($151) my return ticket to Russia on March 18th. I had to reschedule the ticket before the date I was scheduled to return so that I didn't simply lose the ticket, otherwise I would have waited until I had my documents in-hand.

February 24th comes and no documents. February 28th and there is still no invitation. In California, I am calculating the days before my flight and I see that I do not have enough time now. Those extra few days lost again made all the difference. So, now I'm stuck with the decision to reschedule my flight again (until when who knows), or to use the company I am using for my visa processing for visa support also. I decide to pay the $364 visa support + $24 FedEx fee so that I don't have to drag this out forever and wonder what's going to happen. However, this means that I can only stay for 90 days. No problem, we are planning to come back to America for Summer anyway. I will just have to leave a week or two earlier than originally planned. No problem, it works.

The last time that I was in Saratov and tried to register my visa which I had gotten through this visa support company, I had some big difficulties. Russian bureaucracy is an enigma. You need to have your passport, immigration card you got at the port of entry, any documents with your name, your boarding pass from the flight that brought you to this city, your 6th grade locker combination, and a lock of your hair certified and signed by a government approved geneticist just so you can be allowed to go stand in the next line to see the person who will tell you what you should do next so you can get done what you were told you had to do by today. And that's if you are lucky enough to get to the window during the 2 hours they are working that day, but be careful, they take a 2 hour lunch break in the middle of that 2 hour work day.

I'm not bitter, really. it was actually a little fun being Russian and politely snow plowing through the crowd of people who were apparently in-line. Lines in Russia are very different than the nice, polite line etiquette in America. In America we have personal space even when standing in a line. We leave a nice buffer in between us and the person in front of us, just-in-case they decide to pull a crazy-Ivan and spin around, flailing their arms all around or something. Who knows exactly why this buffer has become common, but it is, and any less space given makes all involved uncomfortable. In Russia, it's like Nascar. Rubbin' is racin'. If you leave enough room between you and the person in front of you for another person to fit, somebody will certainly move in there. Even if there isn't enough space, people will politely elbow and seemingly innocently end up in front of you while looking the opposite direction. I'm 6'3" (190cm) and quite big. I can play this game well, kind-of. Believe it or not, it's the little old ladies (babushkas) who play this game the best. I could never compete.

Anyway, the problems I had last time registering my visa was that the company who actually invited me was from Samara, another city entirely. The agency I used for visa support said that I would not have this problem again, they would supply me with a letter asking the local registration office to register me in Saratov. But, they needed a copy of my immigration card to write it. So, when I landed, I took a photo of my immigration card and emailed it to them. Fortunately, they prepared the letter and emailed it back in time. Since everybody must register within 3 days of entering the country, there was a time issue.

My girlfriend also needed to come with me to show all her documents and register that I would be living in her apartment. So much red-tape it's unbelievable. So by this time, I had jumped through quite a few hoops to perform for the Russian bureaucracy, with more hoops anticipated.

As we walked towards the regional immigration office, we passed some interesting things I wanted to show you about life in Russia. It is very common for people to be selling anything on the streets as you walk from place to place. Here is a vendor selling a variety of nuts and dried fruits. Amazingly, when the rain or snow starts to really come down, it doesn't effect them much.

Here are some apples for sale. The cheap ones are about $1.40 a kilo (2.2 lbs). It looks like she has some parsley for sale too. These probably all came from her orchard (maybe just a few trees) in a nearby village.

The weather is not especially great right now. It's in-between the good seasons in my opinion. The snow is still around the streets but it's dirty and starting to melt. It's still cold enough it isn't going anywhere fast. As a matter of fact, just as I wrote that my girlfriend said, "Wow, it's snowing outside, such big snow". And yeah, there's big flakes coming down. I guess it will renew the coverage here. In a few days it will just be more mud I guess.

Along every street there are mobile vans and trucks where people sell just about anything out of the side or back. Here is one selling various fruits and vegetables. Prices range from about 50 cents for a small bunch of cilantro to $3.50 for a kilo (2.2 lbs) of cucumbers. The prices are actually cheap right now.

A nice truck for baked goods. They sell things like cabbage-stuffed bread rolls, jelly donuts, fruit tarts and cakes. They don't actually bake inside the truck, there's no kitchen in there like some do, but they take food from the local bakeries and resell it here.

I am always amazed how people find anything. Here is the entrance to the official government office for this region where we needed to go to start my visa registration process. There is absolutely no signs in most places we go. It is quite common for people to ask strangers on the street for directions to places nearby, and people are always polite and helpful with answers.

Being a big man, I notice things like this more often than most I guess, but when we were told to go upstairs to the main floor to find out about my visa, I laughed a little. Here is the stairs in the government office where we were. I hate to use the phrase so much, but in America, this looks like a lawsuit waiting to happen. It's more vertical than it looks in the picture. Coming down I had to walk sideways so my feet fit on each stair.

Official police car parking lot.

Walking around the city is a pleasure. It's certainly more common to walk around here than it is back in California. Around every corner can be some interesting piece of 1000 year-old architecture. This church is actually brand-new, only 6-7 years old, but created in that old-style architecture.

Near this church was another gathering of street vendors. This one is selling textiles: blankets, sheets, socks, shoes, house slippers. I am sure all of this stuff is imported from China, and then resold on the streets. This is how some people make their living. I don't know how they will survive in the future Russia where hypermarkets and shopping malls are already popping up everywhere.

Do you want some beets, apples, or onions? Looks like she only has one cabbage head left so you better hurry. I always wonder how they end up with the products they do. I mean why not sell semi-related items if you only have a limited selection. Maybe today we will sell cabbage, mayonnaise, and carrots; tomorrow will be onions, potatoes, and sour cream. Just an idea. I'm sure there's a reason behind it. I should stop and ask why one of these times. Notice they always have a scale nearby to measure out your purchase (and a heavy thumb) when you are ready.

This one never ceases to amaze me. Chunks of meat out in the open air for sale. Health inspectors would have a field day if I decided to do this on the streets in Santa Barbara. I wouldn't doubt it if a mob started picketing my table. Even animal-rights activists screaming in my face, the local news coming down for a special report, even a presidential candidate hopeful coming down to show he's tough on crime. Crime? What crime? Actually when you think about it, around here the ambient air is colder than it is in your refrigerator at home. There's not a lot of germs and bacteria that thrive in temperatures like this. Remember that delicious porterhouse steak you paid $60 for at the restaurant last week? That was dry aged, hung out in cold air, in the restaurant's refrigerator (not frozen) for at least a week. At least this stuff is fresh and I know it. This guy probably killed his cow this morning or late last night to chop it up and bring it here to sell. Admittedly, I'm still a little scared of street meat, but if I see a good piece, I'll consider it.

We continued our walk to the office where I needed to register my visa. The one we went to before of course told us we needed to be at a different office for my exact purpose. Waste disposal is important in any community. I took this picture just because I wanted to show that yes, we have garbage disposal too, but it does look different. These dumpsters usually service a few of these Russian-style apartment houses. Placement of the dumpsters is strictly for convenience of the trash truck driver who comes empty them. No consideration is given to aesthetics or even proximity to the access doors of the apartment buildings themselves. Near our flat, people sometimes simply throw their trash near a neighbor's yard to avoid the inconvenience of walking all the way to the dumpster. It makes me smile about typical neighbor arguments in America; "look what your dog did on my lawn!" None of that here, there really isn't any sort of beautification efforts that I can see.

The beauty really lies in the history around here. I really enjoy seeing a beautiful piece of architecture that it seems most locals don't even notice. This stone work must have been done by some master craftsman decades ago. I definitely appreciate his efforts today.

I wish these old buildings were maintained better. Most are in various stages of decay, and I doubt they will last much longer without attention, and who will give the attention? In any case, these are simply great. If they survive, it will be due to the incredible work by the people who built them.

When we got to the right registration office, My girlfriend had to run to another office to create a document saying that she was allowing me to stay in her flat that she knew they would ask for. Yes, another document. She left me there to do the line-dance with all the other people there trying to get to the same window as I needed. Finally we handed off all my documents, including the letter from the company asking to register me in this city, and was told I couldn't be registered. Really? I have been jumping through hoops for almost 3 months and, no?

I was told that I should be registered in the same city where the company is that invited me. That company had no office in Saratov, so I am not allowed to be registered in Saratov. The lady behind the counter said that she had been called about me exactly, the American will come soon and you should not register him. This gets a little too complicated to go into, but the lady that called, who is an important boss in the immigration service, is also a friend of the school director who was too late getting my new invitation to me. There is no other way this lady would know exactly which regional office to call. Soap opera stuff, maybe I should write something entertaining about the politics around here. Apparently, I have become more famous than is good for me.

In any case, I was given a 2 week registration, instead of the 90 days my visa is good for. So I was happy, because I didn't break the 3-day rule of getting registered. If I broke that 3 day rule a second time (a couple years ago we had issues, but that's another story) I would be immediately deported and banned from re-entering Russia for 3 years. So, two weeks, fine, at least it buys some time.

While we were waiting for the registration documents, we were approached by a guy who overheard what was going on. I won't go into detail what he said, but let's just say he let us know about some other things regarding the lady that called to block my registration. We decided to go to another office, which hierarchically is above the office where we were. It's the office that controls all the regional offices. My girlfriend called to see if we could speak to somebody with power there and found out that the big boss there rarely sees people, but as it turns out, he would see people the next day.

We decided to go meet with him and when we explained the situation, he said that he knew I was here legally and that I should be given registration for 90 days, not 2 weeks. Remember, this isn't even about having a valid visa... I have a good visa, I just need to register it. So the big boss, which is 2 bosses higher than the one who called to block my registration, said we should go see his right-hand man, and he would fix the problem. We went, everything was nice handshakes, all is good, and away we went. I would pick up my new registration documents tomorrow, because somebody else needed to prepare it and they were not in the office.

On our way home, we took one of the mini buses. It seats 10, but is fairly comfortable, and gets you there quick. 12 rubles (42 cents) gets you were you need to go.

I should mention that at the bus stop is one of these food vendors, though this is slightly different than what I've shown you before. It's an actual chicken rotisserie. They roast dozens of chickens at once, and for 170 rubles ($6.00), you can have one bagged up to take home. They also sell different sauces and lavash which is similar to tortillas but tougher, thinner, much larger, and not so tasty.

The street we walk down to get to our flat from the bus stop also has a lot of these street vendors. Some with surprisingly good deals and fresh produce.

There is also of course always somebody selling socks and other various clothing items, at rock bottom prices. It's always funny to me to see underwear laid out on a table for all to see.

Even though these kiosks and street vendors don't seem to agree with my cultural paradigm of sanitation, I just have to keep telling myself that if they were killing off customers with what they were selling, they'd go out of business, right? Most of the stuff is dried or cured somehow anyway.

Though no matter how much I convince myself it's safe, I don't think I could ever buy dead fish out of a bucket. Alive... maybe, but already dead, sorry. Is it cold fish soup already?

We did however buy some eggs from this kiosk. I am not exactly sure why the different prices - I guess it is based on size. But it seems like a strange difference in prices to be based simply on size. From 32 rubles ($1.13) up to 44 rubles ($1.56) for 10 eggs. Yeah, not 12, 10. So I guess I have to change my habit of referring to eggs by the dozen. We bought some brown eggs and continued home.

Want some pickles? This lady had some already bagged up for sale, and seemed very anxious to sell them. I don't know exactly what flavor pickles she was selling, there are so many different types here in Russia, I don't know what the normal pickle is here. I still have not found a great tasting dill pickle here, but I have some ingredients and I think I will try to make some dill refrigerator pickles soon.

One last stop at the market closest to our flat to buy some butter and a couple things for dinner then we finally got in out of the cold and relaxed.

The phone rings today, "According to the rule we can't register you for 90 days, only 2 weeks". Back to the drawing board. There's always a bigger boss somewhere. I'm checking flight options for the eventuality that I will need to go back to California a lot sooner than I had planned, and the ticket prices are not looking favorable. We have a birthday party to go to tonight so I'll have to dive into this problem more later. More to come about the Russian Red Tape and this Californian's battle through it.

March 2011 Trip Back to Russia

After many complications with getting a new visa to return to Russia, it was finally time to head back. This time I was taking many gifts back with me since I missed Valentine's day with my sweetheart. On my last trip back to Russia just before New Year's Eve, the airline had lost my bags, and I wasn't the only one. There was a sea of bags in the Moscow arrivals area that did not arrive with their corresponding owners. It took 3 weeks for them to finally find my bags, even with me calling daily to try and hasten the situation. After this experience, I decided the common black luggage I had was a bad idea. Since my bags were severely beaten up and damaged beyond use when I did finally receive them. I needed to buy new luggage.

Remembering that the people I was speaking with in the Moscow airport while trying to find my bags frequently asked me to describe my bags so they could go look for them, I realized that "black, average size, with rollers, and an extending handle" was not going to help differentiate my bags from the hundreds of others that matched the same exact description. I shopped around a lot of places, even going to a Macy's 70% off sale, but nothing really seemed like a good deal on luggage that wasn't going to disintegrate during actual use like so many of my previous bags did. I finally found a great set. Conveniently online, at Amazon.com. Travelers Choice Malibu 3 Piece Hard Case Luggage. And I can't stress how much I love this luggage. I got the orange set. It looks great and it is so easy for me to spot my bag from across the room.

The carry-on bag was roomy enough inside to pack books, clothes, and still fit my 17" laptop comfortably without crushing it. I feel much more comfortable having a hard case protecting my computer when traveling. Even with all this room, my new carry-on bag was still small enough to fit in the overhead compartments, even on the smallest 3-seat-wide Embraer 120 Brasilia plane I took from Santa Barbara to LAX. I never had any agent tell me I needed to check it, while they were picking others out of the crowd left and right. Anyway, I won't drag this out. All I have to say is that after 16 years traveling back and forth to Russia, I finally found a luggage set I love that is light, durable, and unique enough that I know my bags won't get lost for long.

My trip began pretty early in the morning. My itinerary started at 6:10am for my first flight from Santa Barbara to Los Angeles International airport, where I would catch my connection to Dulles International in Washington D.C. and then directly to Moscow from there. I had only 1 hour layovers in LAX and IAD and since I had flown this path before and knew exactly where I needed to be, I was confident that I would have no problems making my connections as long as the flights were not delayed.

Checking in at Santa Barbara was fine with the airline. I got my 2 checked bags checked and I headed to the security line. I have flown many times over the last decade, so I am well aware of the security process and what is allowed and what will cause problems going through security. I even have some very comfortable boots that have a zipper up the side so I don't have to spend a bunch of time tying and untying my shoes to put them through the scanner. I never carry any liquids in my carry-on bags even though they have the 3-1-1 rule allowing 3x 1 ounce clear bottles in 1 quart-sized plastic bag for inspection. Well, even keeping all this in mind, I forgot that my keys to my flat in Russia had a Leatherman Squirt on them. I fought with the security agent about it, who was really being a jerk telling me I had to throw them into the trash.

When I suggested giving my keys to the gate agent who could then give them to me when I left the plane, he simply said "I don't do that". He clearly had some ego trip going, and didn't even answer me when I asked for alternative solutions. I had to go back out the security line before they would give me my keys, and my carry-on bags back so that I could go back to the front gate where I checked in, and ask to have my keys put into my checked bags. Well, the security agent separated my keys from the Leatherman Squirt, I guess so that I could just put the tool in my bags. In my anger and haste to get back out, ask to have the tool placed in my checked bags, and processed through security again for a flight I was already late for, I guess the keys ended up in the grey trash can the jerk was so proud of. Of course I didn't realize this until I arrived in Russia and started looking for my keys.

They key to the story (pun intended) is to just remember that if security has a chance to break up their boring and pathetic lives while trying to assert their pseudo-authority by making you dance, they will. Don't give them the chance. Review the TSA and your airline's policies and guidelines before even driving to the airport to get started.

Once I got on the plane, I felt better. I made it. My bags were checked-in and they would meet me in Moscow. I didn't have to worry about collecting them and checking in again at each connection. That's a big deal. I've had to do that before and it really sucks. Make sure your connections are with the same airline, or at least with an airline in the same terminal so you don't have to exit the terminal, take some tram to another one and start all over again. Staying on this side of security saves a lot of time and headaches.

When I got to the gate for my connection to Washington D.C., I was slightly excited because I had been placed on the waiting list for a complimentary upgrade to business class. This meant that if there were any empty, unpaid business class seats, that the airline would fill them. Since I fly so much, I joined United Airlines' Mileage Plus program years ago. I am an elite member so I got put on the waiting list automatically. Little did I know, I am elite, but not elite enough. I was #51 on the list of people in-line for the free upgrade. The gate agent said there were 2 seats in business that would be open to that list. I might as well forget about it.

Anyway, I wasn't too disappointed. As a Mileage Plus Premier member, I automatically get the Economy Plus seating upgrade for free when I book an economy ticket. I am a tall guy at 6'3" (190cm) so the extra leg room does make a difference. And I always call the airline a few days before my flight to make sure they put me at the bulkhead so I have absolutely nobody in front of me that will recline their seat into my lap. I've always had pretty good luck with that. After taking the trip so many times, I even know the row numbers and seats that I prefer on each aircraft. Exit rows are overrated, everybody fights for those. Let them fight, and go for the bulkhead seats (the best is next to the door, tons of room). On the flight from LAX to IAD, we were full, but I had a pleasant lady sitting next to me who was returning from Hawaii who had many interesting stories.

After arriving in IAD, it was a short walk to catch my flight to Moscow. I remember passing a Dunkin' Donuts kiosk on the way and thinking to myself, goodbye donuts, hello blinis. I arrived at the gate with time to spare, and I asked the gate agent about a business class upgrade. I was told that there were seats available and it would cost me 20,000 miles plus $500. No free upgrades for empty business class seats even for mileage plus elite members. I considered it, but since I had already come across America in economy, and an award ticket in business class isn't much more for the whole trip, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm saving though, and one of these days I'll get to fly up there. Anyway, I was getting excited because many of the people at the gate were speaking Russian and it was getting my mind back in that mode. It felt good to be one flight away from being back in Russia. I wondered what the arrivals area at Domodedovo Airport looked like since the bombing that happened in January.

 Sometimes you get lucky. And this time, it was my turn. I got my preferred economy plus seat at the bulkhead, but the bonus was that the flight was maybe half full. I haven't seen a flight that empty in a long time. For me, this meant that both seats next to me in my aisle were empty. I was able to stretch out a bit and be comfortable. As you can see from the photo, most people had empty seats next to them.

With so few people on the flight, the attendants had time to make sure everybody was comfortable and well taken care of. I was really impressed with Chris, the attendant in this photo. He had a great attitude, and helped the time go by quickly. Maybe it had something to do with the 2 Heinekens ("don't worry about the charge"), or maybe it was because I had 3 seats to myself, but I felt really good on this flight, and I give Chris a lot of the credit for that. Job well done, Chris.

Airline food. Just those two words make most people's faces crinkle, sticking out their tongues and creating various, unpleasant sounds. I'm among them. I'm even noticing that my face is contorted and probably looking quite funny as I am writing this. It seems to me that the airlines have been doing a good job over the last couple of years trying to upgrade their in-flight meals. However, I find it offensive that United only offers snack boxes and overpriced sandwiches that we must pay for on domestic flights. Not even free peanuts. What, my $1500 ticket didn't cover something to keep me from turning into the incredible hulk in that 5 hour flight (plus the 2 you said I should take to get through security), you want another $10 for food I would avoid like the plague if it weren't the only edible option now since security threw away the food I brought from home? Joyful and triumphant. Can you tell I'm cranky-hungry?

With that said, international flights do include meals. Kind-of. On my 10 hour flight from Moscow to Washington, we were given a meal shortly after take-off, then nothing for 10 hours. Not even snacks available for purchase.

On this flight from Washington to Moscow, we were given a choice of chicken or pasta for our meal. From the picture, can you guess which one I got? Are you sure? Since I hadn't eaten on the flight from LA to Washington, I was pretty hungry and it didn't taste as bad as it looked. They gave us drink service and a 3 ounce muffin with a half-sized yogurt cup about an hour before we landed, but by then I was so hungry I was wondering what the nutritional value was of the plastic packaging that came with the yogurt.

I know that food in a pressurized cabin doesn't taste the same as it would on the ground. The pressurization causes us to loose taste; our taste buds don't register flavors as good. So, often airline food is over-salted to compensate. however, lately, the health concerns of salt have forced airline chefs to cut back on the salt, leaving their food flavorless again. If you are concerned about salt, I recommend asking for a low-sodium meal, and then adding your own salt. Yes, the low-sodium meal I ordered last time came with salt and pepper packets. At least this way you can monitor your own salt intake and balance it with the desire to actually taste your food at 30,000 feet.

Usually when I fly into Russia, the attendants hand out immigration forms for us to fill out about an hour before we land. I forgot to bring a pen, so I was going to have to either wait, or ask an attendant to borrow a pen. I decided to beat the rush and went back to ask the attendants to borrow a pen and an immigration form so I can fill it out early. I was told that about a month ago, they changed the process, and we no longer need to fill out this form. As I went through Passport Control before getting to the baggage claim area in Moscow, they scanned my passport and the immigration card was automatically printed, given to me to sign, and we were finished. Nice and clean.

Collecting my bags was very simple, and I can't tell you how happy I was to see both of my bags made it with me. My last trip through here was when they lost my bags for 3 weeks. Not this time. I spotted my orange bags on the carousel immediately and grabbed them. I chuckled at the taxi warning sign above the carousel and then walked straight through customs to find the Saratov Airlines desk to check in.

Saratov Airlines gives you 20 kilograms of baggage weight for free, but then you pay 1% of your ticket price for each additional kilo. I had 41 kilos of baggage weight so I paid a little less than 1200 rubles (about $45) for the bags and got my boarding pass. Since everything had gone so smoothly, I had really nothing left to do but wait... 12 hours.

I should mention that it has become commonly known around here that Moscow is the most expensive city in the world to live. I find it hard to believe with places like Tokyo and New York on the list, but I can definitely say... Moscow Domodedovo Airport is not cheap.

Since I had so much time to kill, and I was still pretty hungry, I decided to grab something to eat. After converting some dollars to rubles at a ridiculously bad rate (about 20% worse than it should be), I found the nearest food and looked at the menu. Prices were amazingly high, even after being generous with the currency conversion numbers in my mind. I decided to have a beer and some pistachios to curb my appetite.

This place had all kinds of sweet snacks for sale. Russian cheesecake. I really wonder what they are using for ingredients. I have been looking for cream cheese for years here, and have never been successful. The best I could do is combine something that is similar to a very dry cottage cheese with sour cream to create something resembling cream cheese, but still not the same. In the last year or two I have seen cheesecake offered more frequently at some of the restaurants, so I guess the flavor has caught on, now hopefully the cream cheese product will be soon to follow. As of now, I still can't find it in the stores so I am definitely curious about their cheesecake recipe. I'll have to investigate further. By the way, the exchange rate I got was 24 rubles per dollar... so that means this small piece of cheesecake was $10.

Chocolate-Caramel Slice. it really did look good. And instantly my mind started thinking of creating a modified recipe with a peanut butter layer. Sounds so good. This small bite, $5.

Some of the other offerings all looked really tasty and tempting, but I really wanted to find some real food, not just a sugar high.

It was snowing here in Moscow, quite a change from the warm weather I left in Santa Barbara, and even the nice conditions in Washington D.C. and it was interesting to see people waiting in the terminal, wondering what their story was. Are they waiting for somebody to arrive, are they about to travel outside of the country for the first time, where will the story take them next?

I ventured upstairs, slowly heading towards the direction of my gate where I will need to board my flight to Saratov in about 10 hours. I was still looking for something reasonable to eat and I came across this Subway. Yeah, that's right, Subway in Domodedovo Airport in Moscow. I remember reading an article recently saying that Subway had overtaken McDonald's as the world largest restaurant chain. Wow, really? Subway has more restaurants in the world than McDonald's? I had no idea anybody else was even close.

It did look like a typical Subway offering sandwiches with various ingredients. I didn't see a $5 foot-long offered (flash to Pulp Fiction scene... it must be because of the metric system), or even a choice to get anything more than one size which was about 6 inches.

The pickles looked a little questionable, and the lettuce was not actually lettuce but rather shredded Chinese cabbage, other than that the produce looked good. They even had jalapeños, something I have never seen in Russia before.

The meats were mostly unrecognizable, but I am sure they are quite common and popular in Russia. I saw something that looked like barbecue chicken breasts but I have been fooled before, barbecue sauce here does not taste anything like what I am used to.

I decided to order a turkey sandwich because the meat looked familiar. It tasted quite good. I was glad to have some food in my stomach. I didn't buy any chips or drink, trying not to open an international debt trade line just to eat some lunch.

Prices ranged from about $8 to $10 for a 6 inch sub.

The napkins advertised for more franchises, and it looks like their Central and Eastern European offices are based in Prague. It doesn't look like Subway growth is going to be slowing down anytime soon.

A little further in, closer to my gate I saw this Russian restaurant. I wish I had not just eaten. They look like they have some really tasty food. typical Russian fare. I didn't have a chance to look at the prices, but the ladies at the gate next to it said it was the best restaurant in the area, better than the ones I would find past the security control check-point. It made me smile anyway, the restaurant name is Moo Moo Cafe, and the dishes and color theme had the familiar black and white cow pattern.

I still had hours and hours to go before my flight so I ventured past security relatively painlessly, and ended up at the end of the terminal, where there was this restaurant. Kroshka Kartoshka directly translates to crumb potato, but it has a lot of cute meanings and I think this word pairing is more about the cuteness of the name.

Yes, I think it was former president Vladimir Putin at the next table. (ok, not really but a good look-alike).

Prices were insane here. After a few hours I finally broke down and decided to go buy a potato. I saw a price of $5 for a potato with what I thought was 3 toppings. When I ordered it, it turns out it's $5 for the potato, toppings extra. The potato with mushrooms and some meat topping with a bottle of water came to $15. I was smiling in shock. Really? a $15 potato? It better be one damn good potato. It wasn't.

There was a gate change for my flight to Saratov so I headed down to my new gate to wait out the last couple hours.

At the gate where I was supposed to board my plane to Saratov, they had this vending machine. I have seen them in a few places in Moscow, but never anywhere outside of Russia. Russians love their juice. It appears to me that juice is the most popular drink, maybe next to coffee and tea. Think of juice in Russia like we have soda in America. A much healthier choice.

This vending machine was great. For 100 rubles (about $4) it would squeeze a few oranges right in front of your eyes and leave you with about 8 ounces of freshly squeezed orange juice. It was really fun to see.

 Another juice bar nearby, with a wide selection of juices to choose from.

All-in-all my flight back to Saratov was great, and painless, except for the 12 hour layover in Domodedovo. I will definitely plan that better next time. I was really happy to get off the plane and see my girlfriend. We collected my bags and grabbed a taxi home. Ahh, home sweet home. Snow is still on the ground here, not like the 70 degree weather I left in California, but the temperature is quite nice. It's not the -15 degree I left in January when I started my trip to California.

It's good to be back in Russia, and I am looking forward to some of the recipes I have planned. I already had a request for osso bucco from my girlfriend who says she has been missing it almost as much as she missed me. I guess that dish will have to be first on my list. Until then, enjoy the flavor of your day.